What exactly is Clean Communication?
The easiest way to help you understand clean communication and how it affects your leadership development is by realizing the components that are not present. Things that come in the form of an attack, shame, blame, upset, anger, manipulation, ridicule, distain, lies or anything else.
In order to start building communication skills that are acceptable, one must know the difference between conscious and unconscious deliveries. The conscious version is much easier to deal with for most because it won’t have emotional awareness attached to it. This is because the individual is thinking about whether or not it’s a good idea to speak out in anger, attack someone or even manipulate them. When dealing with unconscious delivery you have to understand that the individual is most likely in denial about their intent of communication.
Here is an example of a Person A having communications with Person B. Keep in mind that both individuals are simply experiencing a smooth flow of communication. In the graphic below, just look at the arrow passing between both of them. This is what we call; Clean Communication.
The next example shows that the communication isn’t nearly as clean as before and there are issues with the flow. There are many ways people feel these blips, and it will cause sensations like:
*slight discomfort in some part of your body
*a feeling of nausea, breathlessness, increased heart rate
*physical shock in the heart or gut area in the more extreme cases
Thoughts will also surface that may include:
*something is not right here
*I do not believe them
*something is missing
*they are having a go at me
*they do not like me/what I have done/my work etc
*I sense sarcasm, attack, bitterness, a hidden agenda..
Then again there may be intuiting ideas like:
*attack
*ridicule
*deception
*lying
*manipulation…
Another important issue to understand is that you do not have to be aware of low grade problems until later on down the road. This will be around the time that you have any of the experiences above, even if they are vague ones.
If this happens to you or in this case “Person A,” the experienced feeling may not be an interpretation of the other’s communication level. Remember, it could simply be your own experience since you may be the one without clean communication. If you ever decide to take on leadership development you have to acknowledge this before you can push forward. This is considered one of the essential parts to emotional intelligence. If by chance you come across your own knee jerk reaction, it’s important to continue building communication skills on an emotional and comprehensive level.
It’s possible that Person B is completely innocent. The real issue here is that your interpretation and sensitivity is the one to blame. If you can accept this you will have no problem asking the question of Person B. After all, it’s the only way you’re going to do it.
Below you will find an example of how this can be done:
“Last night when we discussed X you happened to mention Y. I’m really not sure if I understood your message the right way and was wondering if we could discuss it? I just want to be on the same wave length. What did you mean when you said…?”
Take the necessary time to discuss the matter until you have full clarity over the situation.
Then again, you can take a similar approach that works the same way: “Do you remember when we were talking about X and you mentioned Y the other day? I was thinking about it and I’m not sure if I understood everything. I could be way off base here but I got the impression that you were upset with me for some reason.” In this case you can just sit and wait until Person B responds.
It might also be that Person B has their own unclean communication with intention. If this is present then you should expect that there is some issue between the two of you. Unfortunately there are many people who have a hard time with confrontations, which makes this an unpleasant experience. Keep in mind, if you don’t do anything the situation is going to manifest and eventually evolve into something that hurts each person. This happens in relationships all the time and is one of the reasons why major relationship breakdowns actually occur. If you continue to wait you will find that this toxic residue can turn into major issues like silence or even violence. Then again, it could be both.
Clean communication is all about addressing the issue the next time you step into another conversation with the same person. If you even have the slightest small and unclean communication left unaddressed, it will be very difficult to take a step back and refocus your energy in a positive nature. It’s why you will have to continue building communication skills in order to resolve these situations appropriately.
It will be important to keep an eye out for the residue. It looks like:
*slight nervousness
*being wary
*looking for confirming evidence that you are right
*anxiety
*upset of some form
*a combative approach
*defensiveness
*withholding certain pieces of information
*lowered trust
Even though this may sound odd, Person B may still be innocent and you are the entire problem.
If you want to get a glimpse of what an expanding issue looks like, be sure to look at the 3rd graphic.
Blow up situations happen simply because 2 people can’t seem to address the issues. A great example of this is if Person A misunderstands something from Person B and never brings it up again. Instead, Person B picks up the negative vibe that Person A has been holding on to for quite some. However, Person B has been holding his or her own residue and the argument or fight surfaces. This could have been avoided, but because of the mis-interpretation and failure to produce clean communication both parties are upset.
It’s also possible that Person B could bring forth an intentional attack. If this occurs a conflict resolution skill is a must. Let’s put it this way; saying nothing is an unhealthy option. Those who become defensive or try to say nothing only add more fuel to the fire.
In order to provide self discipline, you must interact by using clean communication. If you are in any leadership development program, it’s the best rule you can have in regards to all relationships.
We understand you will want to continue building communication skills, because leaders should keep all communication completely clear at all times. Over time this will become second nature and will be critical to your overall efforts. The leader must also show a level of honesty and openness or else it won’t work. See, when you’re in an organization that has no trust or safety then the clean communication is worthless.
Leadership development is all about the ability to build powerful relationships and provide a level of integrity that is at its highest level. This should be done even before conducting staff training or anything else within the company.
Eventually you will find that clean communication agreements will be non-negotiable. This is because both parties understand exactly what is going on or the next step that needs to be taken. It also builds a high level of trust as well.
In the end, if everyone is committed to clean communication and utilize whenever necessary, everyone will function more effectively. It doesn’t matter if it’s a personal or work relationship, because leadership development is about all of them. This way if there is ever a miscommunication it will be resolved in a timely and respectable fashion.
www.positive-deviant.com
www.christinemcdougall.com
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