Since we adopted a baby, he no longer goes to the gym, but instead spends most of his time on the computer or watching tv. The doctor says he must lose weight but he just feels bad about himself and doesn't do it. He tends to be defeatist about things. I grew up with a skinny dad that constantly berated my mother for being overweight, and all the nagging and insults just made her problem worse. I'm lucky b/c I inherited my dad's metabolism, but I don't know how to lovingly motivate my husband to take better care of himself. I think he has low self-esteem and thinks of food as a way to treat himself, instead of thinking of treating himself by eating quality food (spending more for a yummy salad instead of a greasy burger & fries).
Suggestion:
You are very fortunate that you inherited your father's genes but let's face it, we all know it's not about the genes in most cases because 67% of America is overweight with a 1/3 rd being obese.
So, let's just say, that you in fact, are in the minority with the other 33%, so am I but I wasn't always in this position. You see, I didn't have any type of scare in order to lose weight. No one could have told me to lose weight. It had to come from me.
I wasn't obese but close and I had been like you thin for most of my life and yes, I knew I also had my Dad's genes as far as metabolism. When I hit 36 our home was full of life with three children and the first going into her teenage years. It was fun, we were eating out after ball games and traveling for sports. Everything was centered around those fun times to relax. I forgot about me during that time and slowly started adding on the pounds.
At 53, this past January, I had a New Year's resolution and I found a group on our site and I joined. I was not enthusastic but knew this was my chance, if there was one, to get back in shape, so why not make some attempt.
I had never been a "dieter". I never believed that a so called "diet" could permanently change my life and we all knew they usually don't work but only temporarily. It simply has to be a lifestyle change. I was more than ready for that change evidently because I researched like crazy on the subject.
Now, today, 6 or 7 months later. I weigh 117, the same weight I was when I reached adulthood and I condition for only 20 minutes a day with Pilates and walk briskly for 20 to 30 minutes each day. I do a simple set of dumbbells every other day and that's it. I eat three nice meals and a snack or two a day, all healthy choices from the food pyramid and I know my count or what my intake and burn off is each day.
Your husband can do the same and you are correct it will most certainly lift his self esteem and he will be able to enjoy life to fullest. This has to come from him and I would never mention anything about it except from a health viewpoint of concern. You see, he is far from alone, he with the 67% of overweight people like I was when I was 40 pounds overweight.
This has to be a lifestyle change because our culture is not conducive to losing weight or for that matter maintaining it.
One of the ways you can help is to not purchase anything or have anything in your house that is highly refined or sugary. Cook lean meats, fish, use plenty of vegetables and fruits and limit the fats, butter or oils that you put into food. Buy light mayo. Make lemonade and don't buy sodas.
My point is that you may enjoy these things and you know how to limit unhealthy items but most people can't, so why have them in sight. Make it harder for them to part of your everyday lives and he will begin to enjoy great foods and not notice the difference. Ask him to go for a walk with you each day. Tell him you want to get into better shape.
Now that's a great idea. Clear out the house and cook only healthy lean but great meals. Also, don't go out to eat, it's expensive and many people don't know how to order a healthy meal off of a menu, it's too tempting. Food is great but not to the degree many eat on a daily basis when it comes down to foods that should not be a part of your everyday routine.
Best Wishes!
{ 6 comments… read them below or add one }
She loved her hubby VERY much, and because of that, she told him, "No more SEX, until you have lost TEN POUNDS!"
Well he loved having sex with her, so he lost the 10 pounds, and got his "reward."
She then repeated the statement above, and kept doing so, until he had lost 100 pounds.
Fortunately sex helps you lose weight.
There was even an article on the very subject in REDBOOK Magazine, several years ago, titled, "SEX CAN KEEP YOU SLIM."
You need to have positive reinforcement, not negative. You could do what countless generations of women have done. Use sex as a reward for chores that takes a lot of energy.
Men don't like "Yummy Salads" LOL I Know, I married one! 13 years later…POOF. He has balooned into 30 pounds overweight. What they say is true about Marriage and Weight Gain. He also has High Blood Pressure, High Cholestrol, AND High Sugar. He is also on Xanax and Lexapro. Why don't you ask your husband to go get the mail! That's a start! I know he's lazy, but perhaps take him to the mall, or I know, HOME DEPOT! Walk around for as long as you can! You cook, right? Make things that are interesting, but Healthy, and Tasty! Like Vegetable Lasagna with Low Fat Ricotta and Mozarella. Anything that you make right now, can be transformed into a healthier version of it. Also, try adding 2 Tablespoons of Olive Oil to one of his Daily meals for 3 weeks. I lost 10 pounds in 3 weeks, and it boosted my metabolism, which was "Stuck" for the longest time! Give it a shot!
While you absolutely cannot "change" someone elses behavior, there are ways to get him to participate in healthier activities if he is willing. Go for a walk every evening after dinner; 20-30 minutes. You can make this time for just the two of you or you can take the baby w/ you in the stroller or wagon. Whatever you do, make it just about an activity that gives you time together. A new baby creates so much change in your lives, no matter how much you may have wanted the child and men don't always understand their mix of feelings about the new little person in their lives; he may be scared to pieces about the responsibility you've just taken on, he may be feeling jealous about the amount of time you spend w/ the baby rather than w/ the partner who's been your focus and then he'll feel bad for feeling jealous…..it can go on and on. If the two of you eat out a great deal, try cooking together. Buy a roasted chicken and salad fixings and make the activity of preparing at least part of your food together as a time to catch up on your day. You are right that nagging or other negative feedback is counter productive and will just reinforce the insecurities or lack of self esteem he's already feeling. Work together on this…..even state that YOU want to get healthier or YOU want to spend more time together "decompressing" w/out the distraction of technology.
show him that healthy food can be good!
get him involved in the kitchen making it food you make your self tastes better if you have never really made anything before.
insist on doing things as a couple like going on long walk around or up hill etc.
go with him to the gym and dont just wander off and do your own thing stick with him and do what he wants.
get him apersonal trainer to motivate him.
get competitive with hime like who can walk a mile the fastest etc.
sit him down and talk to him! tell him what you think adn that you want to help him.
just a load of ideas
hope i helped a little
Wow when you figure this one out, please let me know.
I watched Oprah today and a man was told by Dr. Oz that if he did not change his life, he would die 15 years too early. It appeared to make him think. He and his wife both changed their life. They both lost weight, exercised, lost inches and the main thing is that they both changed their life. I know you said you were thin. But do you eat healthy things, etc. Is there a reason why you both could not eat better and exercise together? Taking your child for a walk. Putting the baby in a stroller and both of you taking several miles walks. (each of these people walked 5 miles each day. If you both worked together, then it would not just be your husband. People do things better when they have a partner to do with. I know I do.
Just a thought. I guess this is why Weight Watchers works so well. You are not alone doing it.
I hope you do find something to help your husband so he is alive to watch his child grow up. You are correct though when you said your Dad fussed at your mother. I can testify to that. It only makes things worse.
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