However, when you first start coaching or mentoring, if you come into coaching or mentoring from a directive role, if you know a lot about the topic being discussed or if you or a client have experienced something similar it can be very difficult to hold back from telling your clients what to do. So what can you do to help with this challenge? I have put together some ideas below which you may like to consider and try.
Remind yourself what your role is about. A lack of experience in your role or even too much knowledge on the topic being discussed can lead you to want to offer advice. If you are a non-directive coach or mentor, and you are tempted to be directive in a session, remind yourself of your role.
Ask another question. Rather than offering a piece of advice, ask another question e.g. What else could you do? What did you do when this happened before? This will open their mind to other potential options and enable them to explore the topic further.
Summarise what you have heard the client say. Another useful technique to use is to summarise what you have heard the client say. Learning may come as they hear your summary or even where you summarise incorrectly and they clarify back to you what they meant.
Allow the silence. It is easy when the client goes quiet to jump in with a solution because you think they are stuck as to what to do. However often they are actively thinking and considering what to do. Try remaining silent and see what happens.
Focus 100% on the client and their agenda. Often you can be tempted to offer advice because you are thinking about when you or someone else had a similar issue, rather than listening to what the client is saying and their experience. Try 100% focusing on them and their agenda rather than thinking about other things.
Listen and stay curious. If you actively listen and stay curious during your coaching and mentoring sessions you will make the next intervention based on what your client is saying and doing, rather than on what you think they should do.
Provide feedback. If you feel that you want to tell your client what to do, try providing feedback to them e.g. It sounds like you are very nervous about this situation. In providing feedback in this way, you are telling them what you are noticing and this may help them to see things differently.
Remember every person views and experiences the world differently. We all see and experience the world in different ways, so even where we feel they are going through something that we went through or someone else experienced, they will more than likely be seeing it differently and having a completely different experience. Telling them what to do will probably not help them because you will not be coming from their perspective.
Allow the client to fully explore the topic. The client may not be able to move forward with the issue because they have not fully explored the topic first. By allowing them to fully explore the topic they will more easily be able to decide the way forward.
Ask permission to share an idea. If you really feel that you have an idea that will help your client then do not be afraid to share it. However, first of all ask their permission as to whether they would like you to share the idea. If they do not want you to share an idea, do not be offended.
I hope the above ideas help you in your coaching and mentoring and if you have any things that have helped you with this challenge please share them with me.
If you would like further information or to use any of our services please refer to the Makin It Happen – Supervision & Support for Coaches & Mentors website at http://www.coachmentorsupervision.co.uk or contact Liz Makin at Liz@makinithappen.co.uk.
