- Disputes between Landlords and Tenants
- Business conflicts
- Parents and Teens arguments
- Teacher and student differences.
- Separation/Divorce
- War stories
- Court cases etc
When we are in a dispute or argument it is natural for us to want the outcome to be to make the other party see the situation the way we do. It can be so frustrating when this doesn’t happen. But it may pay to realise that it can’t happen.
A basic human instinct is self preservation. This also means mental self preservation. Good self esteem in a confrontational situation is a major outcome for both parties.
Any one who has been through a very bitter lengthy dispute will tell you it was a most frustrating and incomprehensible time in their life. Sometimes the stories get to be so far fetched that you wonder if they are still talking about the same situation.
The words ‘lies’ and ‘truth’ get bandied around by both sides like rubber balls. We are always trying to get “What Happened” to fit into ONE version of ‘The Truth’.
Neither party can agree with one version of ‘The Truth’ because if they believed the story the way the other party tells it, they would not be able to live with themselves nor sleep at night.
Both have adapted “The Truth’ to suit their needs and have to believe that in “What Happened” they were the hero of their world and did everything right.
They cannot ever agree with the other parties’ version of “What Happened” because that would make a lie of their own life and the world they live in may eventually fall apart.
As a self preservation mechanism they have adjusted their story about “What Happened” and “Why it happened” to suit their own version in order to keep their self esteem high enough to be able to function in their world. As time goes by this self preservation mechanism really kicks in and the repeated stories get slanted more and more to suit each individual’s needs.
So getting two parties to completely agree to “The Truth” is an impossible task. It won’t happen because it CAN’T happen. It goes against all basic human instincts and needs.
If the situation can be resolved by agreeing to differ to keep the peace or to agree on a monetary settlement, you have done well. But trying to get total agreement about everything from everyone may be an exercise in futility.
But Shhhh, this is a secret well guarded by the legal profession as they make most of their money by trying to get TWO parties to agree to ONE version of “The Truth”.
You can find out more about this way of thinking by visiting www.fetchmyfuture.com
Dorien Forster (Dip Int Mktg, NZIM Adv Dip Mgt, NZDBS, Cert Banking) author of ‘Fetch my Future’, “Proportunities” and “A Solo Mum’s Road to Riches” is a respected wealth educator and speaker. She is also a qualified NLP Master Practitioner.
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