At our birth, we began to assess our value or personal worth through the eyes and interaction of our caregivers. And at our birth, we also began to form beliefs about ourselves and how we “fit” into the world around us.
What beliefs are formed about ourselves and our value as loveable human beings? That totally depends on what messages were purposely or inadvertently sent – either verbally or non-verbally – by those same caretakers in our early lives. Ask yourself: were my basic human needs met? Was I fed properly, and in a timely manner? Or was I left to cry for awhile until they finally fed me? Were my diapers changed regularly, my body and clothes kept clean? Or was I left to cry to “strengthen my lungs” for awhile and had to wait until my basic needs were met? Was I treated with love and affection, or was I treated as though I were an imposition?
What “messages” did I get, and how did I interpret them?
As I continued to grow, what then? Did other children come into the environment? Then how was I treated? How were they treated? Did both of my parents or caretakers stay around to nurture and raise me and my siblings? Or was there a divorce that meant one of the parents no longer lived with me? Did one or both die? Did I come to believe that you can be “abandoned”? That people who I trusted to take care of my basic human needs could “leave” me?
What “messages” did I get, and how did I interpret them?
Did I feel as though I had to “earn” my parent’s affection? Did I feel as though I was “never good enough”? Was I often ignored because they were “too tired” to pay attention to me? Did I ever get their affection at all? Did they care enough, have the courage enough and expend enough energy to say “no” to me when what I wanted was not in my best interests? Or did they just let me do “my own thing” and let me run the streets whenever I wanted?
What “messages” did I get, and how did I interpret them?
Was I always treated appropriately by adults of the opposite sex? By extended family members and other adult friends? If not, what messages did I get, and how did I interpret them? If I was molested, or otherwise abused, and If it became known to my parents or caretakers, how did they react? Did they protect me… or just “look the other way”?
What “messages” did I get, and how did I interpret them?
Now that I am grown up, do I find myself always trying to get that long needed attention and validation? Maybe from someone of the opposite sex, father figures or mother figures? Do I treat myself with love and respect, or do I question whether or not I even deserve to be treated with love and respect? If I don’t believe I deserve that, why not? Is it possible to change that belief?
Do I expect great things for myself – especially love and happiness – because I believe I truly am worthy of being loved and respected and of making a happy life for myself? If I don’t believe I deserve it, why not? Can I change that belief?
Am I balanced with myself in relation to others around me? Do I consider others’ feelings as important as my own, no more, no less; and do I respect people of the opposite sex? Did I grow up to have prejudices against people of other races and culture? Or do I believe ALL people are deserving of being loved and respected just for simply being part of the human race? Was I taught to believe this? If not, could I learn to believe this?
Do I make wise choices for myself concerning intimate relationships, personal friendships, choices of employment because I truly believe I deserve these things? If I don’t believe I deserve these wonderful aspects of human life, can I learn to believe this?
Or will I continue to make poor choices and be stuck in the same unproductive ways of thought I have always been stuck in resulting in the same unproductive outcomes, or can I change my negative beliefs? If you “always do what you’ve always done, you’ll always get what you’ve always gotten.”
Can I change my beliefs about myself and how I fit into the world around me?
The choices we make in life today are based on beliefs we have formed about ourselves in our early, “formative” years. But if they are non-resourceful, if they keep us cycling in depression, and we “can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel”, we can, through Neuro-Linguistic Programming put the past behind us, move ahead towards a bright, resourceful future and live our lives in a whole new way.
If you change the way you think, you’ll change the way you feel!
by Cynthia Smith
My name is Cynthia (many call me Cindy) Smith and I am a certified NLP Master and Health Practitioner and live in the central valley area of California. I have a coaching / counseling business which I operate out of my home in Rivebank, CA.
I absolutely LOVE NLP and helping people reach their maximum potential using the various processes and techniques I was taught by Tim and Kris Hallbom!
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